If there is one trait, I take from my mom, both of us are highly random. Our conversations can go off on these weird tangents in an instant. For example, in December last year, we talked like usual on the phone, and I dropped this observation. I said, “You know, if I didn’t grow up in the environment that you and dad fostered, I’d probably be highly suicidal.” Now, this would be alarming to anyone, especially any parent, so I had to expound. The core of it is, I overthink.
Personally, I haven’t struggled with depression, though I’ve had a significant episode of heightened anxiety (more detail on tomorrow’s post). I have some family and close friends who struggle with chronic anxiety and/or depression. I can’t relate on a personal level. Still, I make it a point to try and empathize with them through listening and consuming stories based on such problems.
Case and point, for people who know me personally, they know I have stretches of insomnia or sleep deprivation. There have been numerous times where I would be functioning while being awake for 48-72 hours. This happened as recently as February of this year. My grandfather had just passed, and I was thinking through family and the legacy of his life. During this time, I watched quite a few shows that dealt with anxiety, depression, and suicide.
I observe many people don’t care for uncertainty; however, I embrace and thrive in it. This isn’t of my own personal ability but has much to do with my environment I grew up in, with who my hope lies within. My dad had introduced Psalms 37:4 to my sis and me, which is: “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” This is my sis and I’s theme verse in life. The entire Psalm is my favorite, and verses 23 and 24 pick up the context of verse 4 again.
I don’t lose heart when I stumble or have a bad day or season because He has me by the hand, as long as I continue to delight in Him. Also I have some really great people in my corner. One of my favorite songs is verse 23, written and performed by Fred Hammond, called Your Steps are Ordered. A quote that sticks with me from the song is:
Check it out great song.
Power of the mind, location of the soul
One of my cousin Dez’s favorite quotes is:
One of the essential things I want to incorporate into the fundamentals of the fantasy world I’ve been making is exploring the mind through thoughts and environment. Something I’m terrified of is diseases like alzheimer’s and dementia. I’m fine with not being able to control situations and circumstances around me. Still, not being able to control me, that’s frightening. This is actually the major reason why I don’t drink alcohol or do recreational drugs. I like dealing with life soberly and being able to take responsibility for the things I’ve done coherently.
Another favorite verse (there are a lot) of my dad and I comes from Romans 12:
Since I like to think, I tend to be more concerned with how people think and what drives them. Through growing up with the Bible and reading it, you begin to be more concerned with the character of yourself and people. One of the things I’ve always been fascinated with is the connection between the mind and the soul. Within the world I’ve been constructing, I’ve been exploring the depths of the soul. The major reason is because of what Christ asked in a particular passage in Mark:
Great works of literature have explored such depths, such as Dante’s Inferno. I look to do something of similar premise.